Do you have a beard, glasses, and a sense of humor? I’m here waiting to date you.
I’ll be watching Clueless at Pier One on the Hudson tomorrow night with Doritos in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other, and an Alaia dress on my body.
Highlights from the last 17 days of my life
I want to document the past two weeks as I often felt like I was living a Ke$ha song.
-After my month-long freelance gig at CNN ended: I left my shift at the bar at 4:45 a.m. on June 20 and headed straight to JFK to catch a flight to LAX. I slept a few hours. The bachelorette picked me up and we drove to Palm Springs for one of her last weekends as a SiNgLe LaDy. I proceeded to lay by the pool at the house we rented and drink heavily before playing pin the penis on the sexy man on the poster. The next night we all donned purple wigs, drank margaritas as big as our heads, and went to a hip hop dance club. We invited some people back to our house and stayed up around the pool playing ’90s R&B until 5 a.m. A couple days later the owner of the home wrote us to let us know we are never allowed back there, as we are the only group she has ever received complaints from the neighbors about. Over three days there I consumed Doritos, pizza, Taco Bell, In N Out, ice cream, steak, and countless other types of chips. That trend has not stopped since I returned to New York.
-I drove back to my hometown of San Dimas on Sunday afternoon. I slept for an hour and went to a family gathering at my Salvadorian aunt’s house and listened to her tell amazing stories that got louder and longer with each glass of wine. I caught up with my cousins and kissed their babies’ sweet baby cheeks. The next three days at home were filled with the pleasures of suburbia, including dinner out at Sushi Cruise (my sister’s favorite restaurant), several episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (my sister’s favorite show), lots of hangout time with the family dog and three parrots, a jaunt to the Brea Mall, and a daytrip down to the Balboa Bay Club in Newport Beach to lay out by the pool. God, I miss California.
-Back to New York City at 5 a.m. on the morning of June 26. Worked at the bar that night, and again the next. Saturday went to my volunteer shift at 4:30 p.m. at the Del Close Marathon, a weekend-long improv marathon Upright Citizens Brigade throws. I got the best shift possible, clicker-counting as people walked in then heading in to see some of the premium shows with the writers of Key and Peele, and my favorite show of the weekend, the all-female Search History with Shannon O’Neill and Fran Gillespie. When my shift ended at 1 a.m. I headed straight to the party space for free beer and dancing, before ending up at UCB’s Chelsea theater till 7:30 a.m. Shit got weird between the hours of 4 and 7 a.m. in there. Shannon O’Neill threw beer in my face.
-My friend and I slept at her place till noon (my body’s resilience has really been shocking me lately), and I got up and headed to march in the Pride parade. The Crossfit float was behind me so I basically got to dance to Lady Gaga while watching hot shirtless men work out for an hour. After that I headed over to Asssscat3000, where an NYC dream came true when Amy Poehler walked onto the stage. I got to see her, Amy Schumer, Horatio Sanz, Shannon O’Neill, Jason Mantzoukas and several others perform before again heading to the party space, dancing the night away with a very handsome comedian from L.A., and ending the night around 5:30 a.m. at McManus (the original UCB hangout), with Horatio Sanz a few feet from me.
-Monday I went to see the movie Obvious Child, a rom-com movie about abortion, at Nitehawk Cinema at 4 p.m. and was startled to find myself surrounded by no less than seven infants.
-Tuesday night I went to my Improv 201 classmate’s first standup comedy show, and he was amazing, but also out of the blue Todd Barry and Marc Maron showed up and did a five minute set, and I was so happy, and I guess I’m a comedy nerd now? Afterward I went to my friend’s Stuytown apartment where we watched hours upon hours of Sex and the City until I couldn’t muster the energy to head back to Brooklyn and crashed on his couch. And this was the first in six straight nights I was asleep before 6 a.m. (Sidenote: Before the show I met up with a friend at KGB Bar, and we noticed that the theater downstairs was advertising a show with Ronnie from Jersey Shore in it. We pondered outloud, as most would, “Um, is that Ronnie from the Jersey Shore?” “Why, YES, it IS!” one of the show’s production assistants piped up. “He’s actually very good in it. He’s a total professional. I worked with him this past semester, and he’s just a total sweetheart.” I nodded and quickly exited the conversation, because I’m sorry theater nerd, I watched that man abuse a woman on television and I really don’t have time for you to tell me how great of a thespian he is.)
-Thursday night I worked at the bar and celebrated America by taking more shots than usual with my customers and made a whole lot of money. My friend, who also works nights, came to my house after his shift ended at 9 a.m. to find me in bed with my lights on in my underwear. I came back to life around 3 p.m. when several friends came over to join me at Havemeyer Park (right next to my house with a lovely bike park for kids, a tipi, and an amazing view of Williamsburg Bridge) to drink Brooklyn brews and watch the fireworks. We could see them way over at Brooklyn Bridge through this one square hole in the Williamsburg Bridge. I watched them with my arms around Shadi and thought about how much happier I am right at this moment than I was six months ago.
I’m also starting to think a lot about how bartending, while a good-paying, fun-loving job, is not helping me further develop as a full human being and it’s time to start looking for full-time jobs again. I’m headed to San Francisco from July 18-30 to celebrate the previously mentioned bachelorette’s wedding and spend time with my many close friends and family who live there. I wanted to give myself enough time there to truly feel out whether San Francisco will be the next city I live in upon my impending return to California.
When I get back to Brooklyn, I’ll start thinking about becoming a real person again more seriously. Till then, I’m having the most fun I’ve had in years. A life full of bike riding, eating ice cream, strolling Brooklyn shops, heading to the beach on a Wednesday, watching many sunsets and sunrises, reading in the park, and having too much free time on your hands is certainly not a difficult one.
For five long and very strange years, death haunted tiny Dryden, NY, a town near the Finger Lakes where a plague of car accidents, suicides, and even grisly murders involving two popular cheerleaders just kept mounting up.
This story is dreadfully sad, but it kind of reads like a comical high school horror movie feels to watch.
12 Useful Websites to Improve Your Writing
1. Words-to-Use.com — A different kind of thesaurus.
2. OneLook.com — One quick dictionary search tool.
3. Vocabulary.com — The quickest, most intelligent way to improve your vocabulary.
4. ZenPen.io — A minimalist writing zone where you can block out all distractions.
5. 750words.com — Write three new pages every day.
6. Readability-Score.com — Get scored on your writing’s readability.
7. YouShouldWrite.com — Get a new writing prompt every time you visit.
8. WriterKata.com — Improve your writing with repetitive exercises.
9. IWL.me — A tool that analyzes your writing and tells you which famous authors you most write like.
10. HemingwayApp.com — Simplify your writing.
11. FakeNameGenerator.com — Generate fake names for your characters.
12. Storyline.io — Collaborate on a story with others by submitting a paragraph.
As part of the creative process leading up to her installation at the Domino Sugar Factory, Kara Walker did extensive research on the sugar trade. Explore her notes, sketches, bibliography, and more HERE.
The bad part about living in Manhattan is you can’t see Manhattan’s skyline when you’re right underneath. The colors after tonight’s big electrical storm were some of the most intense I had ever seen, but I didn’t get many good snaps of it. Luckily, my boss, Rafat, lives in LIC, and so I’m appropriating his photos here.
Incredible sunset after the storm.
ROARMANCE Lightning strikes the antenna atop One World Trade Center, as seen from Brooklyn, on Wednesday. Pounding rains ahead of tropical storm Arthur caused flooding and a partial wall collapse beneath the Brooklyn Bridge. (Photo: Lucas Jackson / Reuters via the New York Daily News)